Joss, I am so sorry for your loss. I know what is like to lose a family member suddenly and shockingly. I know it can never completely heal, but time does make wounds shallower. You went through a lot, and taking a break seems to have done you a lot of good. My grandfather, cousin and mom all died this year, some natural, and others not so much. I know that the grief can be intense, and honestly, I broke down a few times. It's all about finding the hope amidst the darkness. If you ever want to talk, my pm is open.